It seems to be genetic

My husband has always had a problem with not turning off lights.  When he comes home from work, I follow him around the apartment for about 15 minutes just so I can turn off all the lights that he somehow forgets to turn off despite my constant reminders.

All his friends who come to visit are very good about turning off the lights when they exit a room, which makes me think this is not a Chinese thing.

About two weeks ago Howie's cousin-in-law, aunt, and second cousin came to visit and stayed in our spare room.  The same thing.  Every light in the house was constantly on.  Okay, so maybe it's only some of the family...

Howie's sister and brother-in-law are currently staying with us.  Same problem.  Lights.  On.  Constantly.  I mean, give me a break!

Our electricity bill is outrageous every month.  So much so that we unplug nearly everything when we finish using it (obviously not the refrigerator).  Blankets and coats are used in the winter instead of the heater and the water heater is only turned on about 20 minutes before we take showers.  Howie can remember all these things, but not turning off a light.

I'm beginning to think I am doomed to a life of wasted electricity.

Meghan's Account of the Dalian Dinner

I stole the following from my friend Meghan's blog.

In which I became a cautionary tale of future maid of honors at Chinese wedding dinners

Su-Mai-En! Su-Mai-En!! As the banquet hal full of chinese people chanted my (Chinese) name, I started to sincerely reconsider the wisedom of my choice to be Maid of Honor at a Chinese wedding dinner.

My ordeal started two weeks before, when a friend of mine asked me to be maid of honor at her Chinese wedding dinner.  Knowing as I did that her wedding involved a donkey parade, jumping over a lit oven and ridiculous Qing-era clothing, I decided that, as maid of honor, I would try to do an american style toast, so some part of her wedding would have a familiar element to her.

Chinese wedding dinners are an example of what happens when cultural traditions and etiquette, originally made to make life more pleasant, becomes an odious process that serves to confuse and exasperate everyone involved.

The Chinese wedding dinners involve "red envelopes" in which the people who are invited must come and are obligated to give a certain amount of money to the bride and groom- if they fail to do this, they lose face.  It's a tacky, antiquated tradition that often puts chinese people into a catch-22 postion,  since they have to come to the wedding dinner and they must give a certain amount of money, which is at least 200 rmb, which is, for most chinese people, a substantial percentage of their monthly paycheck. So they can't not go- they would lose face, but at the same time they can't go, because they can't afford the money.

Anyway- because of this catch 22 situation, the chinese teachers in my school were placed in a cultural conundrum, that resulted in two weeks of wavering between all the CTs not going, all the CTs going, and only some of the CTs going.  I decided to organize an american-style gift- in which all of the CTs going would pay a certain amount of money for one large gift.  This seemingly easy idea caused me much stress as we had to get through all of their "face issues" - and resulted in me dragging an enormous, cast iron "hanging arch" lamp through the labyrinth that is the Dalian IKEA, after my friend decided that since he had carried another, much lighter lamp before, since I changed my mind, I would have to carry this lamp myself. The frantic IKEA trip culminated with the two of us getting into a ridiculous, yet heated argument over the importance of wrapping paper and ribbon for a wedding present.

So, cut to the next day: I discovered that, as a Chinese maid of honor, besides giving a speech, I had to follow around the bride, holding a tray full of cigarettes and candies to give to all the men at the dinner.  I thus became the most sullen maid of honor as the sexist symbolism of the entire tradition was far too wretched for me to stomach gracefully.  Luckily, as the bride was an American, wearing four inch heels, a blue ballgown and a fur shawl, she was with me in the opinion that this was awful. 

Finally, I was able to sit down with all of my coworkers, leaving the bride and groom at the mercy of Chinese wedding dinner games and the malevolent guests who enforce them.  Or at least, that is how I'll try to remember the evening.  In reality, The groom announced that he had written a love song for his beautiful bride, and that, " The guests would like the maid of honor, Su-Mai-En, to dance to the song." 

Have you ever thought that you are in the midst of a nightmare? I have before. The difference between this time and the other times is that this time? I didn't wake up.  As the third round of "Su-Mai-En!! Su-Mai-En!" started up, I realized that, short of bolting for freedom , I was going to have to dance. 

As the groom started singing, acapella, a song that went along the lines of, " Alicia, I love you, love you, love you. Alicia, I love you!" I awkwardly hopped, tap danced and twirled around, doing at best, an interpretive dance, and at worst, my impersontion of a chicken, while 100 chinese strangers cheered (or jeered) and laughed.  I was a scene from bad '90s era teen movie.

My only consolation was that at least, besides my coworkers and my friend, no one I knew would ever see this.  Even this small consolation was taken from me when I was finally allowed to leave the stage, and I discovered that my Judas of a friend had filmed the entire, mortifying ordeal- from my attempt to escape, slithering my way under the table at the beginning, to the end, when I attacked the groom, wrenching the microphone out of his hand. 

wicked Chinese wedding dinner guests: 3,000,000,000
Meghan (aka Su-Mai-En): - dignity

Kim Jong-il came to Dalian

Seriously, he did.  It was all very hush hush that Kim Jeong Il came to China at all.  I had just heard that he went to Beijing to meet with Hu JinTao for some sort of diplomatic thing.

I was tutoring one of my kids one day and he started telling me how his father saw Mr./President/Dictator Kim at the Furama Hotel down by ZhongShan Square.  So here's the story...

My student's dad, Mr. Zhang, was sitting in a tea house in the Furama Hotel (fancy fancy fancy expensive hotel) enjoying ridiculously over priced tea when a very ugly man walked into the hotel surrounded by body guards.  Mr. Zhang didn't really believe what he was seeing.  As he continued to watch this man, he realized this was indeed Kim Jong-il, the horribly oppressive dictator of North Korea.

When I asked my husband if he knew that Kim had come to Dalian, he just looked at me like I was dumb.  Apparently, every Dalianese knew he had been to Dalian.  My husband later told me that the Chinese government had paid for everything while Kim was visiting China.

Culture Shock

I found a question online recently about culture shock in China.  I thought it was interesting.  Though I don't have too much anymore, if at all.  Here are a few things that I find odd, disgusting, or maybe shocking.

Bathrooms- You must carry around your own toilet paper.  Roll up your pant legs because you don't want to drop your pants in all the liquids on the bathroom floor.  Women don't like to close the doors on the stalls when they are occupying them.  No soap or hot water in public bathroom sinks.

Street Fighting- If someone is attacked, no one will help.  I saw a man getting beat in the middle of the road by three other men who were using fists, feet, and beer bottles.  The cars on the road just sat there and honked for them to get out of the way.  Pedestrians just stood there and watched.  A different fight I saw (I later learned that a man was killed during it) was at a popular park with carnival rides.  Even the security guards stood and watched and started to run off when the fight moved over towards them.

Bodily Fluids on the Streets- As it is getting warmer out, people are more and more willing to relieve themselves on the street.  I couldn't even tell you how many men I have seen urinating out in the open.  Most of them don't even try to conceal themselves.  Men and women, old and young, spit constantly... anywhere.  On the street, in stores, in restaurants, and hospitals.  One day I stopped at the small market near my home to see two little girls carefully placing cardboard on the sidewalk right by the store door.  They then pull down their pants and hover over the cardboard and begin to defecate.  This is followed by, "Mom! Mom! I'm done! Mom!".

Babies-  Split pants.  They are pants for babies with splits in the crotch.  These babies usually don't wear diapers so they get a nice breeze wherever they go.  When the parent decides that the baby should go to the bathroom they simply hold them over a trash can or bush and make a hissing sound so the baby knows it's okay to pee now.  I once saw this in the VIP bathroom at the train station.  The mother was waiting in line for a stall until the cleaner came up to her and told her she could just hold the baby over the sink.  On the bus one day I saw a woman sitting down holding her baby on her lap.  Nothing out of the ordinary there until you notice what the baby is wearing.  A bib.  That is all.  I kid you not, and that is fairly normal in the hot summer.

Restaurants-  There is a saying in Chinese that the servers' thumbs are always cold.  This is because their thumbs are quite often stuck in your rice as they carry the rice to your table.  I have seen dogs and cats and naked babies and urinating dogs in restaurants here.  Don't have an ashtray at your table?  No problem, put it out on the table or the floor.

Tableware- Dishes are washed in cold water (even in private residences).  The dishes are then put away wet or given to you at a restaurant dripping with water.  Make sure your cup is clean by swishing beer around in it then poor it in your bowl or on the floor.

Street Markets and Open Markets- Need a whole chicken for your dinner party tonight?  You can buy one at the market.  Choose the live chicken that you want and they will kill it right there for you.  (I have also seen and heard dog markets.)  Go to the meat counter and point out what slab you want.  Make sure you wash it before you eat it.  It's been sitting there all day in the heat under a lamp with the butcher handling it over and over with the same gloves that he/she wears to take your money.

Those are just the things that I can think of at the moment.  Very few of these ever really get to me anymore.  Oh and you can get out of almost anything with money or your connections to people in the government.

Things I can always use from the States

People often ask me if I need anything mailed to me.  Truth is, no.  I don't need anything.  1.something billion people live here and survive (supposedly).  But honestly, there are many things I would like.

Here are some things that I never seem to have enough of in this country that I can't find here:

Baking Powder (I love pancakes)
Mapeline (again pancakes)
Soft bristle toothbrushes (though Elias just brought me a bunch)
Crest baking soda and peroxide toothpaste
Deodorant (I wish I had Chinese genes so I wouldn't sweat and stink so much, believe it or not, most people here don't use deodorant)
Cosmo (I need a break from it all once in a while)
Skim milk (I know that can't be shipped here but I haven't had real milk in nearly two years)
Butterfingers
Cake mixes
Swiffer (Okay, that's asking a lot, especially since I can't buy the refill pads here)
Sanitizing Wipes/Spray
T-Shirts that actually fit properly

Okay, okay.  A lot of those things aren't things I necessarily want here as much as things that I miss.  Sometimes I just wish I were back at home.

The Wedding Festivities

I was so excited to see my parents that I barely slept the night before the flight to Beijing. I didn't sleep on the flight at all. Howie and I were picked up at the airport by his friend's dad, Mr. Jia. We were then driven to the hotel. As we were hauling our bags out of the car my parents came out of the hotel. They had been up for hours and were sitting the in lobby reading. During hugs I introduced Howie and there were more hugs. Before meeting my parents Howie had asked me if he should hug my parents or shake their hands. I said hug my mom but my dad I'm not so sure. Turned out it didn't matter. As my dad said later, "A hug just felt like the right thing."

After settling in we headed out. I honestly can't remember what we did everyday after that but we did a lot in the little time we had in Beijing. If I remember right we were only there for 2 full days. During those days we did a lot of tourist stuff. We went to the Great Wall (JuYongGuan pass) where Howie and I put a padlock on a chain on the wall and threw the key over the wall, a little known tradition here to show never ending love.
We also went to Tian'anmen Square, Forbidden City, Ming Tombs, Olympic Village, and the Dali Lama Temple. We also had Peking Duck, it's quite tasty.

Here are the photos from Beijing. And one more album.

After going through Beijing we took the train (and introduced my parents to the Chinese queuing system) to Shenyang then a bus to Fushun where Howie's dad met us. The next couple days were spent touring Hada and meeting different family members. Howie also introduced me to his grandparents. We went to their grave where we lit cigarettes for them, poured Baijiu on the grave, and placing fruit near the gravestone. Some of Howie's friends from Dalian and Anshan came to town for the wedding as well.

You can see pictures from Hada here.

Now the day of the wedding... I woke up at 4:00 am to take a shower and wait for the hair/makeup girl to show up at about 5:00 am. It took nearly 2 hours for my hair and makeup to get done. A short while later the hotel room that I was staying at with my parents was filled with family and friends. I put on traditional Chinese clothes and sat on the bed to wait for Howie. He came shortly after I was all ready. He arrived on a horse followed by the sedan chair that I was going to ride in to Howie's house. When he got to the room ChungAi (Howie's best friend's girlfriend/my Maid of Honor) let Howie in after he knocked for what seemed forever. He kept knocking on the door and no one was moving. I tried to get up to open the door before I was told to sit down. Howie entered the room and we sat on the bed and started taking pictures. Most of the wedding day was posed for the cameramen. We took pictures on the bed, with my parents, Howie serving coffee to my parents, Howie and I drinking coffee together, Howie putting my shoes on for me, Howie and I bowing to each other and so on.

After all these pictures were taken and the cameramen were satisfied I was veiled and led down 3 flights of stairs to my sedan chair. Once there more pictures were taken. Then we were off. I was carried behind Howie, who was riding a horse. I knew we were close to the house when I heard hundreds of firecrackers and big boom fireworks going off. When we arrived I was helped out of the chair and led to a small platform. I stood on this, still veiled, and was fed a piece of candy by Howie's mother. I then fed a piece of candy to her. Then she gave me a large red envelope of money. I was now allowed to enter their house as their new daughter. But on the way I had to step over a stove of hot coals. Once in the house I sat on their bed where his mother gave me a cup of Pepsi and asked me if it was sweet. I had to respond with, "Yes, it's sweet." I still don't know why. Then I was unveiled. We took a bunch of family pictures before I was told to change to my white wedding gown.

Once in the white gown with red heels, Howie and I fed each other noodles and poached eggs. We were then ushered out the front door to the car that was waiting to take us to the restaurant. On the way, there were more fireworks and lots of confetti cannons. We rode in the car to the restaurant after we drove around the tiny town a bit. Once at the restaurant I had to scoot out of the car and take more pictures with the car. (Pretty cheesy if you ask me.) We then had more confetti cannons. When we stepped into the restaurant there were tons of people there and the floor was covered with sunflower seed shells. We were then ushered into the lobby of the hotel (it's one huge building built together). There we sat and talked to the announcer and waited for the appropriate time to go in to start the ceremony. (Howie told me that some of the old ladies would be looking at their watches to make sure we started at an auspicious time.)

When we were allowed to enter, Dad walked me for a short bit and gave me to Howie. Dad didn't hug me but he hugged Howie! lol. Howie's parents were introduced, my parents were introduced then Howie and I walked down the aisle to the stage while on both sides of us fireworks went off.

Once on stage we started the ceremony. There was a lot of talking that I didn't understand. At one point I was asked to say hello to everyone. Howie expected me to say it in Chinese but at this point I couldn't remember how to say even one word in Chinese. So I said, "Hello" in English but the microphone stayed in front of my face to I added, "Everybody." That is what I was told to say so I said it. I feel dumb now thinking of that! During the ceremony we lit the unity candle, had a prayer, Dad gave a blessing, and Howie's dad spoke. The mayor also spoke a bit which supposedly makes the wedding official. We cut a cake and poured wine into a wine glass tower. We were then told to drink from these glasses. (The night before we checked out the dining hall to make sure everything was okay where I noticed the glasses were disgusting and made sure that we weren't going to have to drink out of them. Howie said we wouldn't be drinking from them. I guess that plan was changed without us knowing until we had to drink from these disgusting glasses.) When the ceremony was done Howie and I walked out (or he practically carried me out because my feet hurt so bad from the shoes I was wearing).

I then changed into my third and final dress. Another red dress but not so traditional. We then returned to the dining hall where we greeted the guests that had remained there (originally there were 500 guests, by the time we came back only about 100 remained). I then began my bridely duty of lighting cigarettes for the men, pinning flowers in the old women's hair, and unwrapping candy and feeding it to other women and some men. Finally, I thought it was done when we got to the last table and had taken a few more photos with random people inside and out.

I was wrong again. We still had staged photos to take with just the parents. We went to our own private room to have lunch where I was given another red envelope of money, lit cigarettes for Howie's parents, Howie light cigarettes for mine, and I fed a fish eye to Howie's mother. After a few more shots of drinking and toasting, we were done. Actually done. The cameramen left, the horrible announcer left and we could eat. Of course we had some other family members come in to drink with us but it was much more laid back than earlier.

When it was all said and done I went to my parents' room to take a shower and get all the make up and hairspray off of me, not to mention all the horrible confetti that was stuck to me and in my hair.

I spent the afternoon watching TV with my mom while Dad took a nap and Howie spent time with his friends. That evening his friends, my parents, Howie and I, and Howie's dad went to dinner. After the dinner Howie's friends and he and I went to KTV. We finally went to Howie's parents' to sleep.

The day started at 4:00 am and didn't finish until about 2:00 am.

You can see all the pictures of the ceremony here.
Here.
Here.
And here.

After the wedding festivities, my parents came to Dalian where we showed them what we could while they were here. I'm afraid it wasn't a very relaxing visit for them.

Here are the photos from Dalian.

The Wedding is Coming

My wedding is about one week away. It will be a traditional Chinese wedding with a few Western traditions thrown it. At this point I don't really know what is going to happen. I know they basic outline but that's about it.

Many people keep asking me if I'm excited. Well, yes I am. But at the same time I mostly just want to get it over with. It has been months of questions and being completely in the dark at times. I can't speak with my future in-laws because of the language barrier. They are the ones planning the wedding. It's very frustrating. Right now I plan to just show up and do what I'm told until it's over. That probably sounds horrible but at this point I don't know what else I can do.

On another note... My parents will be here tomorrow night! I won't actually get to see them until Saturday morning but they will be in the same country as me in about 27 hours! I will meet them in Beijing and we'll spend a couple days there before heading to Howie's parents' house.

I have only two more days of work before I have more than a week off. I can't wait!